California Institute of Technology electrician’s apprentice Quincy Nelson has discovered what he refers to as “unlimited, free energy”. Nelson was recently reading a humor website which poked fun at the concept of a free energy, citing extensive research by the Dousing Rod Society and the Worldwide Organization for Ritual Sacrifice, taking no notice of the writer’s sardonic tone or the existence of thermodynamics. The article, which for most was a two-minute distraction at work from making a rich person richer, became conduit to a bright future for Nelson, launching yet another career of an overconfident, talkative person guided by a fact-free existence.
After failing to screw in a light bulb after 17 attempts — a task his Supervisor said his massage therapist could do with soft music and candles — it shocked him when he noticed the cables hanging above his head would randomly spark on things like chairs, blankets, eyes, and avenues. He got the bright idea that if all wiring was unsecured, the charge was free. Jolting home, he started cutting wires everywhere: sockets, switches, extension cords, damp hair dryers, everything. With Nelson working frantically to create the solution to the world’s energy problem, he was unaware that his electrical brainstorm had the potential for disaster.
Empowered by his by kinetic sense of purpose, the dim Nelson began cutting city power lines. Suddenly like a bolt of lightning, he was struck by a bolt of lightning; luckily he was cutting the leads to a really large children’s hospital, so assistance for the sizzling simpleton was not far away. Regaining consciousness 12 years later, eating his first free lunch attendant Doctor Zeus shook his head, noting this wasn’t the first time someone was stunned after thinking loose wiring was boundless energy.
