Danbury, Connecticut 2014
Local Peter Thorn was seen shopping at the nearby “Big Chas’s Saab, Scion and Subaru” on in the automotive district when he spotted the car of his recently assigned family dreams. Giving birth to their third child, wife Rose put the fear of God into Peter, arguing “It’s time we become a four-wheeled family, the Harley-Davidson sidecar is getting cramped.” And after admiring the new Subaru Legacy purchased by two women the Thorn family referred to as “fraternal twins”, they saw one of the popular station-wagons in their future. After some clever parental bribery aimed at daughter Maggie for researching the new vehicle, the newly minted middle child recommended a model with remote entry, back-up camera, and a the extended 7-year limited liability warranty due to known transmission issues. The internet savvy 3 year old was rewarded by being allowed to stay up, according to her parents, “Waaaaaaaaaaay past her bed time. Like 10:30.”
With price firm in hand, the family went down to dealer Chas’s, singing his classic radio jingle “Chas Has” which sounded eerily similar to the M*A*S*H theme song. Intimidatingly lined in front of the vehicle they identified as “the one” (Maggie had pushed for the Sport package with larger brake calipers and wishbone suspension, but the upgrade wasn’t going to be available in Connecticut until the 3rd business quarter).
An emotional roller-coaster of negotiation began with Kenny the “Subaru Specialist”. A heated yet courteous back-and-forth ensued, prompting the family to make a final offer of two thousand below sticker price after a tense 3 minutes of negotiation, launching the salesman into a five-second pregnant pause. Quoted as saying “Give me a minute, I need to talk to my higher-ups about this” he left to speak with the brass. In under forty seconds, Kenny and Chas — the one and only — jogged briskly towards the family where mid-stride both began smiling, slowing to offer affirming handshakes at an acceptable offer. For the excess in time spent negotiating, Chas gifted an olive branch of a lifetime of free wiper blades plus installation.
A two-month follow up interview with the Thorns reported they were extremely happy with the Subie — though Maggie cited discrepancies in EPA and real world mileage estimates — and were applauding car salesman Kenny’s recent performance in an Off-Broadway production of Madame Bovary.
