Los Angeles Rap star Lil’ Italy is being fined by the California State Department for water abuse during a drought season. Famous for his #1 hit, “You Know How Me Do”, the rapper was cited at his studio apartment for using an alarming amount of California’s fourth most valued resource behind children, television, and Mexico. A utilities worker noticed a large body of water slowly draining in Colorado when he decided to set off the the Colorado Dam alarm, notifying all agencies within a 700 mile radius of a major water event. Coincidentally at the same time, a local water department then received news about a sudden lake appearance in the middle of a low income neighborhood in urban Los Angeles.
Inspectors were dispatched to the Downtown LA area and were surprised to find a fully developed marshland at the end of a cul-de-sac which neighbors said, “Wasn’t there last night.” Investigators tracked the source of the new ecosystem to a diamond-coated, Gucci garden hose that was still hanging from the rapper’s hand. Apparently, while washing his car collection, the performer had fallen asleep in a lawn chair — authorities noted the half clean, half sudsy 1995 Ford Mustang within dampening distance of the derelict’s domicile of dormancy. Lil’ Italy placed blame on the sprayer which he had recently purchased from the gardening section of his local Beverages and More, quoting that the nozzle was rated for champagne and California (not Arizona) sparkling wine. The state was not fooled by such a common excuse, pointing to the hose covered in studs, jewelry and barbed wire as probable cause for the new Los Angeles lagoon. As a result of the water foul, the chart topper was fined $250 dollars and was required to fill out the paperwork for naming rights to the new marine-life refuge.
Mr. Italy went on to capitalize on the following media frenzy, using the free publicity to promote his new hit “Trustworthy Hose Got No Holes.”
