Derby, Kentucky
On a balmy summer day, the Ball Park Franks Horse Gala was interrupted when a disqualified contestant rode in on what witnesses mistakenly referred to as, “a dog of a mule.” Every year David Nelson of Louisville, Kentucky tried to get his work donkey “Michelle Bucksmen” into the proceedings of the prestigious equine judging event. Predictably, as was the same for the previous seven years, he was to be denied entry by the CAPH (Committee of Arrogant and Pretentious Hats), but the especially abrasive tone of the most recent rejection letter finally unglued Nelson:
“Dear David,
Nope.
-CAPH”
David ignored the excessively verbose letter and decided to put the reigns into his own hands, deciding his prized possession would invade the premises with a rousing “kiss my ass” attitude.
On the day of the event, in the blistering southern heat, he mounted his mighty steed, and bugled his way to the Ball Park event at Kentucky’s prestigious Hebrew National Convention Center. Kicking past the security stand/snack bar at a meandering yet sure footed pace, he and Michelle Bucksmen climbed atop the judging platform. Shouting to the sun-stroked masses, “I will never kowtow to CAPH! Vive le’ Donkey, Jackasses!” the guard staff finally sprung into action, dispatching the Budweiser Clydesdale Wagon to corral the spectacle. The stunned crowd erupted in applause at such a studly spectacle, but when confused observers were later interviewed, patrons thought it was a Beer commercial or that they were suffering from heat-stroke.
David was arrested on charges of trespassing, child endangerment and reckless driving, and was carted off by Mustang to the local precinct. Michelle Bucksmen was apprehended via carrot, and was sentenced to police force horse course until able to be stable for stabling. CAPH informed David’s lawyer that the charges would be dropped, but he would never be allowed to prance foot near the convention center again, and that he would be placed on horse arrest for three years.
After release, a swarm of two podcasters asked if he regretted his actions, to which Nelson proudly brayed a hearty, “Nay”.
