Moving to America from the southern shores of Canada to become an American citizen became priority number one for a Toronto native. Hamilton Beecher-Stowe left his home hockey rink to become a integral part of the fabric of the United States (Made in China), he was learning the hard way of the bumpy road to citizenship, noting the abundance of potholes on his eight mile route through Detroit. Incensed by his dream to become an Italian chef after seeing Lady and the Tramp for the seventh time, he decided to apply for a job at the Olive Garden in Pontiac, Michigan. Not to be deterred by the popular restaurant’s strict policy of hiring only the most enthusiastic American citizens, Hamilton would start on his way to becoming a warm and high blood pressured American. After downloading the “Bald Eagle Identification” app to his IPhone, the eager Beecher-Stowe was forwarded a “Re: American Citizenry” email, directing him to a convenient citizenship testing location at the Department of Motor Vehicles website. Correctly answering two out of three questions — including partial credit on the third question, “How many wars has America won?” with the hard to argue answer, “I have no idea” — Hamilton would soon receive his license to drive America in the mail depending on his Amazon.com shipping preferences.
Six months after moving to America, in the final stages of Olive Garden’s cutthroat trainee training program, Hamilton was on the fast track, saying “Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks” without the slightest hint of being raised in a country with universal health care. As time passed, he made his family proud with news of his success, but there was always the hint of sadness knowing that their little their little piggy Hammy was moving so far to get fat on non-Canadian bacon with American dream sauce.
