If there’s one thing that the Gulf knows America for, it’s people-pleasing, so Iranian schoolchildren were elated as representatives from their favorite board game-slash-movie franchise Battleship appeared off of the Gulf of Oman. United States Navy Arleigh Burke-class destroyer USS Plutonium was dispatched to the tranquil coast to enlighten the spirits of Arab youth, knowing that nothing makes children happier than the nearby presence of a Mk. 41 Vertical Missile Launching System (VLS) with a 90 weapon capacity. Famous for being “Nuclear’s Nicest” in the recent Hollywood blockbuster movie “Battleship”, it was an easy choice for the American military as to which warship would bless the peaceful middle-east with its welcoming aura.
A complement of 328 actors, agents, and stuntmen all known for being top of their class in waving abilities were hand-picked to occupy the ship for the joint effort between American politics and the silver screen. Upon anchor drop, the stunt teams were deployed to introduce themselves to their throngs of fans. In the welcoming hour of 0200 (2:00AM to you, civvy), six Zodiac boats full of location scouts dressed in full cinema costume and makeup walked ashore to the delight of the audience of observing dolphins. The location locating team was known for their quiet investigations of potential filming venues, anonymously leaving gifts all over the province before disappearing at dawn. Kids were seen in mosque yards the next morning gleefully trading their newest Battleship collectibles, kids trading set pieces like bullet casings and empty flash grenades for pieces of doors with real big screen footprints on them. Passionate families came from far and wide expressing their excitement for the return of the generosity American’s where always known to bestow upon the Arab nations.
We smell sequel!
