Ocean City, New Jersey
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has sparked controversy by confusing her second child’s birth with a marketing strategy. Known for being a founding member of MTV’s east coast improv troupe “Jersey Shore”, the Snook Dogg was going into labor for a second child, a masculine child. With a limited number of the paparazzi on hand with telephoto lenses fixed on the staging area at Metlife Stadium’s 50-yard line, she gave birth to a surprisingly hominid baby boy. While the infant was being cared for in the loge section nursing station, the glowing mother was asked by attending doctor, podiatrist Rex Ryan, what she would name the child. Mid-nosh on Cake Boss’s Bon Jovi themed creation, the words “Don Shoreleone” were heard bleating from her frosted gullet. Sideline reporters then informed her that such a name would qualify as a combination of child abuse and copyright infringement. She then inquired “Well, what do you name children?” Good friend Karen Hill was overheard assuring Nicole, “Almost all of them are named Peter or Paul. There were dozens of each at my wedding.” Snooki decided that she would wait to name the newborn, citing an inability to make decisions while seeing herself on Jumbotron.
Later that evening, drunk on flavored vodka, Snooki decided to do what responsible parents do and draw a name out of a hat. Insisting that God would help her choose, she reached a divinely driven meaty paw into a hat and breathed a sigh of relief that the baby would hereby be known as Kangol Polizzi.
Spotted: Suspected father Pauly D — the second popular Pauly of Shore fame — has been seen at book stores buying every book on child rearing offered in pop-up form.
